We Like To Skateboard, And Start Trouble

BPFH by Mike Schultz

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The following was written by the bassist of The Ridgelands, Mike "Chocolate Milk" Schultz, about his past experiences at the Block Party From Hell.



Foreword: The following "events" I will be reminiscing are being written in a stream of consciousness seeing as it all kind of blurs together and I may not have always been conscious.

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times but like a shiny butt plug at the end of the anus of life was Jon White's block party from hell. I have only frequented two of these parties, on account of being on tour for some of them, but boy was it a hell of a time.

"Hey you want a dollar?" 

"Hey you want a dollar?" 

One year I was... Well let's just call it in bad shape, got really drunk, made my ex mad at me. The following year I was in much better shape except for the rash that the West Nile virus had brought on. Basically it was a bunch of drunken partying in typical White household fashion. One memory that I remember of course is dildo related. Now at some point the dildo was trusted in my hands so of course I ran around and smacked people with it.

Thats when I seen this gangly white kid with dreads and immediately thought, "oh it's on hippie" so I proceed to smack him in the face with the rubber phallus. He gets pretty upset, totally pissed. Then I realize it's this kid Patrick that I grew up skateboarding with in my neighborhood. Everything was cool and totally uneventful after we found that out. All in all the block party from hell is a great time that your liver will hate you for. Highly recomended! 


P.s. Also Jons nephew Putch is usually there and he's the baddest and raddest little dude out there, he's gunna be kicking Corey's ass in no time.

P.P.S. I'm bringin' poppers