Ever seen the lonely old man at a bar? Quietly sipping his beer poured in a 12 ounce glass while his glossy eyes stare at the episode of Jeopardy playing on the television. Or perhaps the juxtaposition, young exuberant and more than likely, annoying drunk patrons at the same bar. Who's lonelier?
I often find myself questioning my own actions while hanging out with friends. Why the fuck am I drinking this? I'm going to feel like shit tomorrow. You've probably been in the same predicament, wether it'd be with alcohol, drugs, sex, or anything else that would offer a quick fix. Why do we do this? Why does everyone sink into the indulgence to the point where almost everyone feels it's completely normal? Is it supposed to be fun? Because it seems more self destructive.
I've seen it when drunk girls make out with others despite having someone they love at home watching children. Or when fathers run off into the bathroom to bump lines while their daughter looks for them during a recital. "Oh we're just having fun!" At who's expense?
You start to feel the dark undertow of their mindset, and the reprocussions of their actions. Instead of talking, the people surrounding the individual picks up thier slack. Everything is gravy until the person spirals even more out of control.
I sometimes go out of my way to help people who are close to me because I care about them. I'm not some hippie dork trying to give some stranger a hug because he looks down in the dumps, but I will sit and listen to a friend if they're upset.
This past weekend, hell, this past year has been a helpful reminder of how shitty a person can be. Narcissm is one clever bastard, I've been told I'm quite the narcissist myself. Ironically by the people who treated me the worst.
I'm trying to figure out what makes me happy again, and if I'm ever going to find it, I won't be at places where "closing time" gets fucking played at last call. In fact, it won't be at a place where there is a last call. Because I'd rather climb out of this rut than sink further down the rabbit hole.
P.S. Whoever stole my camera, fuck you. Get your shit together and stop being a fucking asshole.